Do you care at all about the craft?

No.

What made you decide to pursue acting?

I was discovered. By scouts. Numerous times. They gave me ideas. Instilled in me the notion that I “have what it takes” (which I believed). Made me feel special (which I liked). Then I ran. Fast. I escaped. And then I came back. But nobody wanted me anymore by then. You can watch the story of my life here.

What is your purpose as an actress?

To become rich and famous. Because clearly people learn nothing from watching films and television (otherwise, there wouldn’t be Sherlock fangirls who just turn into Sally Donovan the moment they themselves have to deal with real individuals with real Aspie mannerisms in real life. And admit it, you only watch “The Bridge” US to ogle Sonya Cross—so busy ogling that you fail to notice Sonya’s flat affect). All Aspies learn from television is how to not be themselves, while NTs learn expletive-ing nothing about Aspies. This whole industry is just hormone-driven; and as much as we’d like to believe we’re superior to other animals, it’s all just a lie. And, no, I have not been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome (it’s just my current fixation favourite cause—I just happen to have a propensity to caring a great deal about such matters, I can empathise with Aspies).

Can I see your professionally-photographed headshots?

No. I look bloated in them due to a few miscalculations I made prior to the days of the photoshoots (of my level of attractiveness based on my fertility stage based on my menstrual cycle—there’s an app for that—and sprinkling a pinch too much sodium into the lemon juice I regularly drink for my skin). I am far too vain to allow you to see me in such a state (unless we’re talking uglification for the purpose of awards-baiting).

Who are your role models?

Mostly dead people. I’ve found that when I idolise the living, they just end up disappointing me anyway. People change. So I have dead people for role models because they can do very little to shatter your image of them, unless I grow to be awesomer than them—which does happen occasionally—in which case, I just grow out of them (to be fair, the latter is also an issue I face with living role models).

I do have a soft spot for Audrey Hepburn because of what she endured during WWII (I believe that video is not one of those lame modern Hollywood exaggerated tragic-backstory-PR-stunts to promote a film, either! She seems above exploiting that kind of thing). And I especially love how she’s still capable of cracking that mischievous smile at the end of the interview, though it does make it all the more heart-breaking. Not even going to assess her acting skills, because I’m afraid I wouldn’t know what I’m talking about. She did a lot of charity work later in life too. I also have a certain appreciation for Marilyn because reasons.

What advice would you offer to aspiring actors who look up to you?

Have Niki Lauda’s little grey cells and James Hunt’s big balls.

Which fictional characters do you see yourself in the most?

Newman (Seinfeld) and Eddie (Frasier).

How come I’ve never heard of you?

Shut up, muggle.